Life is busy. I’m sure that’s no surprise to anyone. It seems that the older I get the faster time goes and so I often find myself wishing I was less busy and had more time to spend doing things I enjoy rather than things I have to do. Taking time to spend with family and my spouse is important to me. But often the day comes to an end and I haven’t taken an opportunity to connect with the people I love most in my life.
Spending time together in an intentional and deliberate way is a good method of building a stronger marriage. When you are planning to spend time together, just the two of you, try to think of something that will enhance your relationship, something that will keep on making your marriage better rather than something you might do only once. And, of course, choose something both of you agree on. It would be counterproductive to plan an activity that your spouse doesn’t enjoy or would never agree to do. For example, it would never be a good idea for me to plan a day of wallpapering the bedroom with my husband in the hopes that our relationship would be enhanced by time spent together working on a project. That would end up driving us further apart rather than the desired result of drawing us closer together. Wallpapering is a recipe for disaster in our marriage! No, a better plan would be to arrange a day-long outing with a picnic lunch of his favourite foods in some scenic location. That’s the kind of activity that would enhance our relationship because we would be together, away from the distractions of our home office and all the responsibilities it represents and we would have an opportunity to talk without interruptions from email, the phone and work. We’d come home at the end of the day feeling relaxed, happy and closer to each other and that’s the result you should aim for when you plan time together.
Here are just a few ideas to get you thinking about what you might do together. There are lots of others, of course; you are only limited by your imagination:
- Plan regular dates. Set aside a time each week or every second week if every week is too hard to arrange. It doesn’t have to be an expensive date. Rent a movie, make popcorn and curl up together on the sofa. Or go for a walk along a nature trail. Talk over coffee at a local coffee shop. Make a picnic and sit in a local park to eat together.
- Set aside talk time every day. Plan a time that works best for you. For example, at the table over supper, after the kids are in bed but before you get too tired to talk. Maybe talking before leaving for work each morning would be ideal for you. Talk about the plans you have, your hopes and dreams. This is a great opportunity to really get to those deeper levels of communication where you feel close to each other. Use this time to connect emotionally and spiritually and leave talk about the mundane everyday things to another time.
- Eat meals together. Have whatever meals you can with each other. It doesn’t matter whether it’s breakfast, lunch or supper. Turn off the TV, unplug the phone and make meals a time devoted to you and your relationship. Of course, if you have little children, it’s hard to focus on each other when little ones demand your time and attention so plan one or two meals each week where it’s just the two of you. We know one couple who have a late breakfast together somewhere out of the house one morning a week when the kids are in school.
- Pray together. Set aside a time to pray together every day. Spiritual oneness is essential for a strong marriage. Praying with and for each other can draw you together in ways other activities can’t.
- Make a point of saying hello to each other when you come home and saying good bye when you leave. This seems like a small thing but it shows your spouse that you care about them. If you have an invited guest in your home, you would show them the courtesy of a greeting when they arrived and you would make a point of saying good bye when they left. Your spouse deserves the same courtesy. It takes little effort and reaps great benefits. And to make it more beneficial, add a kiss and a hug when you leave and another when you return! It doesn’t matter if you’ve only been gone a few minutes to run a quick errand. Saying good bye with a kiss and hug and hello with another when you return will create closeness and intimacy in your relationship.
Whatever you do, make sure you set a pattern and establish a habit. Soon you’ll find yourselves looking forward to these times together. Any time you spend together doing pleasurable activities will make your marriage stronger. It’s worth the effort and the rewards are great.
