Captain Corelli’s Mandolin is a novel (and a movie starring Nicholas Cage) set on the island of Cephallonia, Greece during WWII. It’s a love story that paints a tragic picture of a beautiful country ravaged by war, and of two people who struggle to be together. Ultimately, the war demands sacrifices that divide them.
The heroine of the story, Pelagia, learns much about love from her father who is the local doctor. Dr. Iannis teaches Pelagia what lasting love is, and how essential both the man and the woman are in a successful marriage. Listen to what he says:
“Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being “in love” which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is…an art…Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.”
“The man is a tree. He’s big, he’s beautiful, moves leaves, makes the shadow. The roots of the tree is the woman. Without the roots, he won’t survive, but it takes two together to make the tree healthy. The man can take the spotlight but only with the woman behind him.”
In all of literature there isn’t a better description of mature married love; these two quotations express so eloquently what Heart to Heart Family Ministries strives to help couples identify, nurture and develop in their relationships. Breathless excitement and “promises of eternal passion” cannot possibly be sustained indefinitely. None of us can live in a state of high emotion for very long. Eventually, life takes on a rhythm, a pattern and that’s when it becomes dangerous for a marriage. When we start to lose that initial burning passion, we can be fooled into thinking that love is dying when what is really occurring is a natural deepening and maturing of the relationship. If we recognize this stage of marriage for what it really is, and don’t immediately call it the end, we can begin to create something much deeper than anything we have previously experienced.
So how does a couple do this? How do you take a ho-hum marriage, or a relationship that is on pretty rocky ground, and grow it into a solid, mature marriage that is supported by deep roots? There are several ways to approach this:
- Become connected with a church that cares about your marriage and your family
- Find a mature married couple who are willing to mentor you, to be your “guide on the side” as you strengthen your own marriage
- Take a marriage inventory survey such as PREPARE/ENRICH to discover the strengths in your marriage and the areas needing growth
- Sign up for a marriage enrichment course in your community
- Attend a marriage workshop or retreat weekend
- If you have serious issues in your marriage that cannot be solved on your own, or with mentoring, seek professional help from a trained marriage counselor/therapist
Heart to Heart Family Ministries can help you with all of these suggested steps. We train marriage mentors, offer the PREPARE/ENRICH inventory online through our website, facilitate and present marriage preparation and enrichment seminars, workshops and retreats. We can also help you find a counselor who is right for you if professional counseling is required.
You marriage needs “roots [that are] so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part”. Once you develop those roots, you’ll discover that you are “one tree and not two”. Let us help you grow!
